"the biggest cock in town"

Here are the 2 most macho quotes I've heard from my colleagues this week,

- Oh my god, I was so good, she was so into it, I'm telling you she was wetting herself all over the place!"

(a salesman, after pitching a girl on the phone)

- Just get in there, spread their legs, pop them eyeballs out, and show them who's got the biggest cock in town! Cuz you do, right? That's why you gotta wear flare jeans ! HAHAHAHA!!!"

(a salesman boosting another salesman's confidence)

Well well, that's a well-deserved week-end for me and my little ears...

The "office shagger", tragedy in 1 act

I was wondering, when creating this blog, if I would hear enough weird/funny quotes to publish here from my male colleagues. They really are marvellous and have been producing content for at least a week during the past 2 days.

The names in the following dialogue have been change for artistic purposes, yet rest assured that the quote is intact, exactly like I heard it. (How could I ever make something like that up!)

Act I scene 1:

Common area, conversation between John, Jack, Stan and Mark

John, to Stan: So it there a Mrs Stan?

Jack (with a cocky, heavy laugh, speaking for Stan even though no-one asked him to): Naah! Stan is the office shagger!

Stan (with a shy, embarrassed smile): I thought Mark was the office shagger?

Mark (with a wink and false-modest face): Currently not so much. I had a Tinder date on Wednesday and that's it.

Jack (who really loves hearing his own voice): Wait, you had a date on Wednesday, did nothing, and did nothing again on Saturday? What the fuck, man? Are you turning gay?

Mark (half pouting with disgust): She was fat, dude ... she was fat ...

(curtains closing)

Ladies and gentlemen, please give a round of applause to John, Jack, Stan and Mark, wonderful beings who miraculously survive every day without a brain ...

I'm only sorry I could not record their stupid voices and laughs, that would have been worth it.But if you enjoy this ridiculous yet true little piece of art, stay tuned! More is coming.

It's a man's world!

I am a woman infiltrated in a men's office. I say "infiltrated" because they often forget I'm among them. And they talk like I'm not here. Like they are between men. And I hear things...

They talk about their girlfriends, their wives, their mums. They talk about the tie they just bought, that matches their handkerchiefs. They borrow hairspray from each other, after making fun of me touching up my lipstick after lunch. They compare engagement rings and romantic venues. They ponder over wearing boxers or briefs to avoid ball's sweat. They brag about how many strippers' numbers they have in their phone.

 

I feel incredibly lucky to get to hear all these golden quotes. I've been telling my friends about it, my God do you know what I just heard my colleagues say? My God listen to what my colleague just told me! I thought I'd share it with you too. For obvious reason, all the names and places will be hidden or changed. Feel free to comment, and share the things you too hear.

Without further ado, here comes the first quote:

Me: What do you have for lunch?

John: I don't know, whatever my mom put in my lunchbox.